Friday, September 30, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - Vacation on Ansion: “A different set of expectations”

Where: Cuipernam Wellness Institute Spa, Ansion.

Feeling: Exfoliated.

Listening to: Mok Cha, our “induction consultant.”

The Zabrak nods at Siri’s shocked face. Then he starts to laugh lightly.

“I’m sorry, you seemed so nervous, so I was trying to lighten the mood,” he says to her. “We can’t let our guests perform the treatments! That would violate our insurance policy.”

“Oh, good!” Siri says, relaxing visibly.


Thursday, September 29, 2005

From Qui-Gon's Blog : Cleaning Sux0rz

You know, when we, like, came here to live with Ben, I thought that it would be like the old times. Me and Obi-Wan watching some Scoob, eating some brownies, and like, meditating together. I was, like, way wrong.
Obi can't even see me, so needless to say, all that sappy 'good old times' stuff, like, never happened. It's been more of all-night wrestling on the holovid, while eating cheetos and drinking beer. The worst thing is that, like, Ben has taken a shining to JawaJuice. He's become Ben's 'Beer Buddy,' meaning JJ has to get Ben beer when he asks, but he entitles JJ to as much beer as he can chug. After a few nights, instead of JJ helping me communicate with my former Padawan, he was sitting beside Obi, on the couch, Cheetos in one hand, a beer in the other, rooting for Rowdy Rodian Piper.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog - Misfire: An Intelligent Debate of Today's Most Important Issues

Welcome to Coruscant News Network's Misfire, a program featuring intelligent, informed debate on today's most important issues. And now, our guest commentators.

On the Right, Jedi Master Mace Windu, well-known for his development of both the Form VII discipline of lightsaber combat and revolutionary break-throughs in skin care.

On the Left, Jedi Master Yoda, who has led the Jedi Council for decades and has been a leading figure in the Equal Rights for Tiny People with Pointy Ears movement.

The issue they will be debating on our program tonight:

Should Intelligent Design be taught in public schools?

Read the debate here...

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

From Palps Blog: What not to wear? (Part two)

After the humiliation of having to watch my ‘secret’ footage, including my late night incursion into the Jedi Temple, I was resigned to the fact that I probably do need a bit of a makeover…although I refuse to be happy about it.

I packed up my entire wardrobe of black robes, yellow and pink speedos, multi-colored cycling shirts, black socks and sandals, flip flops, Birkenstocks, clogs, lime green leisure suits, tropical print shirts, daisy duke shorts, bell-bottom corduroy pants, and other assorted wardrobe items in my closet...

continued here…

Monday, September 26, 2005

From Han's Blog: Vader and Me

OK, you know I have a secret about Vader. And, I want to tell you what it is, but I don't know quite how to word it, so I'll just say it. Here goes:

Darth Vader. Is. My ...


Sunday, September 25, 2005

From Padmé's Blog: The Kiss, Interrupted

This is crazy, but I think I am falling in love.

I’ve tried to resist it, tried to tell myself it was just fun, just an infatuation. But spending all this time with Anakin… well, he’s getting under my skin.

I won’t admit it to him. We’ve been playing this cat-and-mouse flirting game. Which is fun, but ya know, just kid stuff. Today, we crossed the line.


Saturday, September 24, 2005

From General Grievous' Blog: Assault on Coruscant - Part 8

Zin has now been captured and is safely locked in a steel box surrounded by four guards and watched through two surveillance cameras by four more guards, who are guarded by four of my droids. This how he was captured:

After continuously watching the cameras that I planted in his apartment, Zin received a call, which from what he said was important: “Hello Father.... Yes I will be at the Encrusted Bar on 799,865 Street at 9:30 tonight.... No, I will not bring anyone with me.... Yes I will bring the roast bantha like always.... Ok see you there."


Friday, September 23, 2005

From Dooku's Blog: Sales Tour - Part 2

It's rather hot here, chaps.

Mustafar, being a lava planet, is rather hot. So hot, in fact, that some of my chefs fry eggs on the sidewalk and 'flame-grill' bantha burgers over a geyser of lava.

Well, it saves on oven costs.

All the chefs here are Geonosian, so they spend the day gabbling to each other in some strange dialect. Hmmph. They're probably talking about me...


Thursday, September 22, 2005

From Jar Jar's Blog: Family Troubles - Part 10

How mesa getten into thissen...?Mesa issen noah a pilot. Der last time mesa tryen to pilot anyting... well, yousa noah wanten to knowen.But now, mesa issen in a Naboo starfighter. Headen to a Trade Federation conrol ship. Noo, noo, noo... Der good news: mesa hassen three other starfighters with mesa. Der bad news: der pilots issen Can Can, Bottle Bottle and Jug Jug. Theysa noah as clumsy as mesa... but der Binks family hassen a bad reputation.

Readen more heresa.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - Vacation on Ansion: “It starts out pretty”

Qulun Peak
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.
Where: Qulun Peak, Ansion.

Mood: Apprehensive.

Listening to: The sound of hammering.

Gravel pings off the top of my helmet as somewhere above me, Korto is driving another bolt into the rockface. Something sharp hits my shoulder. If I don’t think about the fact that I’m hundreds of feet off the ground, I’m okay.


I don’t have the luxury of hugging the wall all day. People above me and below are waiting.

The dance begins again.

I shift my weight and swing away from the wall in a shaky pendulum. I feel a sickening sensation in my stomach -- there’s too much slack. For a second I’m floating in nothingness.

This is it.

This is how I’m going to die?


Monday, September 19, 2005

From Qui-Gon's Blog : Cheeto Haze

Recently, I've been busy. I've been fighting dead Jedi Masters and whacked out Jawa, trying to understand certain stereotypical Hutt, and teaching the wisdom of the Nuteye Knights. None of this compelling adventure could prepare me for my greatest challenge yet; facing my former Padawan.
After me and JJ's swinging bachelor pad was, like, ruined by a certain fuzzy Sith Lord and 'remodeled,' and I use that term with much sarcasm, by the FOOF'ers, we had to find a place to crash. Seeing my room all, like, trashed was, like, a real bring down. I was just lucky to be able to save my plants. I've left my babies to Yoda to tend to. He's green. He should be able to handle my menagerie.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog: The Name of My Species (and everything else about my people to know you ever wanted)

Curious about my species many people are. Often asked I am, "What the heck you are, anyway?" Understand their curiosity I do not. I should think obvious it is.

However, asked me what I am, many of you readers have as well. So, decided to answer this once and for all I have. Tell you of my species and home planet just this once, I will. After this I tell you, speak no more of this we shall.

OK, ready you are? Prepared for the truth are you? Deal with this knowledge you can? See we will.

OK, the name of my species is...


Saturday, September 17, 2005

From Palpatine's Blog: Fast Forward into the past (part deux)

Again, I am late in updating all of you on the events of the past few years. Let me summarize:

1. My apprentice, Darth Maul, went and got himself killed by that phantom menace, Obi-Wan Kenobi. This was after my plan to have the Trade Federation take over Naboo went awry. The good news was that the child that my former master, Darth Plageuis, had conceived by the Midi-chlorians was the one that foiled the plan. I shall watch his career with great interest. He is being trained by that Obi-Wan, but I have developed a keen relationship with him as a kindly mentor.


Thursday, September 15, 2005

From Padmé's Blog: Pandemonium!

Sio Bibble said my presence here would boost spirits. Wrong. These people simply see me as a representative of a system that has failed them.

Anakin and I have been just outside the hurricane-ravaged village of Anirtak for five days. Anakin has been working non-stop rescuing people from the wreckage. He’s been amazing. The Emergency Relief Squad (ERS) tried to stop him at first, claiming he wasn’t “properly trained” for rescue missions. But he, um, well, convinced them otherwise.


Wednesday, September 14, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - Vacation on Ansion: “Whatever you like”

Where: In hyperspace on a Naboo cruiser, on the way to Ansion.

Mood: Relaxed

Listening to: Siri (kinda)

“ incredibly bored! Typho, are you listening to me?”

“Huh?” I look up from my datapad.

“You’re not listening to me.” Siri is standing in front of me, hands on her hips, pouting.

“Of course I am, love.”

“Then what did I just say?” she challenges.

“Uh... I’m looking over the activities at this resort we’re going to,” I say, cleverly avoiding the question.


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

From Survivor Tatooine : Qui-Gon's "Howzit Brah?"

Man, it's been a long time since I heenalu, dude.
Back when I was Dook's little Padawan, I was a mad surfer. Strue Bob. They'd know I was on a mission as there was always a board strapped to the top of our ship. Dooks was my Gandelf, as he was experienced in the ways of the waves, man. He dialed me into everything I knew. I was radolescent. I was a champion. No one could touch me. Then I surfed Kamino. Man, there ain't nothing like a planet that is all wave. Problem was, there was no beach. And big honking draigons. So, like, we were supposed to be investigating something about cloning or something, and I was out catching waves. Didn't see it coming, and *BAM* took a draigon tail to the back of my dome. Well, my bond with Dooks kicked off, or something, and the next thing I know, I'm back on Coruscant with a wicked nasty concussion. I was Cactus Juiced, couldn't surf anymore. It wasn't just the injury, though, or the fact that the Council went nuts, it was Dooku. He was like way miffed, sure, but he thought I was going to go belly up, man. He said that he was way worried about me, so I stopped. Cold Turkey. Haven't caught a wave in like... Okay, I'm not going to say how long because, thought I'm dead, I'm a little self conscious about my age.

From Master Yoda's Blog; A Monkey I Am Not!

Bananas I like, but eat them I will not. Every time eat one I try, a monkey joke someone makes. A monkey I am not!

Like to see a monkey do my job I would! A hard time handling a lightsaber he would have. Met a monkey who could fight a Sith Lord I have not!


Read and see more...

Monday, September 12, 2005

From Palpatine's Blog: Fast forward into the past

It has been about seven years since my last entry, please forgive my tardiness. A lot has happened during this time, and you’ll understand that I have been quite busy.

Right after my last entry, I made a trip to Kamino to speak with their sales people about some growth enhancers for Lord Maul. After several boring sales presentations,...

Read More

Friday, September 09, 2005

From Jawajuice's Blog: This ol' Hole

Time to get this ol place in order.

I haven’t had much time to clean up the pad since that crazed Sith ewok trashed it. What a mess. I would have liked to fix it up myself. We Jawas are pretty good with our hands. –And no, not just picking pockets either. But with my hosting demands and a snack empire to control, I just don’t have the time.

So I got my local Coruscant Yellow Pages and let my stubby fingers to the walking. Who would have thought there were so many redecorating contactors? So I did what most people do; closed my flashlight eyes and picked.

…I think that may have been a mistake.


Thursday, September 08, 2005

From Padmé's Blog: Road Trip

When Anakin and I arrived at the Palace, the place was seriously buzzing. We were escorted to Jamillia’s throne room where we found her looking, like, really worried.

Me: “What is it?”

Jamillia: “A hurricane has devastated Anirtak, a remote village on the far side of the planet. There are thousands stranded with no food, water or shelter.”

Me: “What? Why haven’t we heard about this on the Holonet?”

Jamillia: “Their communications are cut off. The story is just breaking now. People are angry, they need help immediately and I fear we are not equipped to provide assistance fast enough. It may take days, weeks.”

Sio Bibble spoke up. “I suggested to Queen Jamillia that you travel to Anirtak to help these people.”

Anakin flipped out. “What are you thinkin, G? She’s sposed to be in hidin an spit.”


Wednesday, September 07, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - "The All-Seeing Eye (Part 19)"


TYPHO flinches and futilely tries to pull away as two small shauputs pounce on his chest and swarm toward his face. They reach out their skinny fingers and poke at his injured left eye. One flips back TYPHO’s eyelid and puts its clawed paw right on TYPHO’s eyeball, making him involuntarily shriek in pain. With his hands and feet bound, he can't defend himself.


The other shauput bounds away, takes a scale off of ROLSI’s torton shell, and comes back. It flips the eyelid back down again and puts the scale over TYPHO’s eye. There is something sticky and foul on the back of the scale that makes it stay in place. The small shauputs pawing at TYPHO’s face make pleased chattering sounds and clap their hands.


Monday, September 05, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog - "Mashed Potatoes, Kenobi, and Scrabble"

Playing Scrabble with Kenobi I was today. But first, like to tell you about a great product you should know about, I would...

< commercial endorsement > Been very hot it has. Buckets, I sweat. Stained under the arms my robe can get. Very embarrasing it can be. That's why Force Guard w/Extra Sith Protection I use. Strong enough for a man it is, PH balanced for a tiny green person it is. Now the confidence I have to raise my arm when smiting down the Dark Side I am.</commercial endorsement>

Pay for the Dolly CDs some way, I have to. Expense it to the Jedi Order I can not, especially since caught me that one time the Order's accountants had.

Anyway, playing Scrabble with Kenobi I was today. Had a labotomy first I should have so that fair it would be.

"Spelled k-a-t, 'cat' is not, Kenobi."

"Are you sure?"


Saturday, September 03, 2005

The wheels on the bus go round and round…

Today was Lord Maul’s first day to attend the Jedi day care. He was so cute in his little black robe and light-up tennis shoes, you should have seen him.

Oops…sorry about that. I was actually getting sentimental there. Scary.

Anywho…I had a little chat with him before he got on the transport.


Big Brother: Naboo

Survivor: Tatooine