Tuesday, November 29, 2005

From Palpatine's Blog: A Dynamic Wager

“Impressive.” I reply to J.J.’s raise.

I still can’t figure out if he’s trying to bluff me out, or if he really has something in the pocket.

“Yo Palps, he’s playin you dog.” Young Skywalker comments.

“Mesa tinkin that to Chancellor,” Jar-Jar chimes in, “Yousa should be folden.”

I pause for a moment to try to read J.J. in the force. He is as calm as a glass of water on a cool spring day on Naboo.

Time for bold action.

Story continues here...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

From Qui-Gon's Blog : Ackmena's Golden Pub

It's been rough around here lately. Like, seriously.
See, we got the flat remodelled, and it was a fully functioning bachelor pad. A swingin' one at that. Problem with that is that me and JJ, well. As for bachelors, we aren't, like, Don Juan De La Nooch, that's for sure.
But, JJ, man... He's married now. Like, tied the knot. Hitched the nearest post he could find. Bought a hundred thousand credit ball and chain.
And didn't even invite me to the wedding.
To say that I was a bit miffed was not an understatement, because I'm usually really mellow about everything. I think I was slightly hurt, but it was a serious slightly.
When I brought it up, he, like, went on a tirade. Called her 'Mrs Black N'Decker,' whatever, like, that means... But he was being really heavy. Like, King of the Bringdown people. Lord von Bad Time. Emperor Palpameanie (where did that one come from?).
As an empath, I could sense Rhonda's sadness. That, and the big goobery tears that Ithorians cry. She ran to JJ's room and fell on his bed, sobbing. I did my best to calm her down, but being ethereal and all, the shoulder patting (do Ithorians even have shoulders?) didn't work.
"Why does he hate me so much?" she sobbed.
Read more.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

From General Grievous's blog: The Youngling Found

If you remember, a while ago Master Sidious gave me an order to train a youngling in the way of the lightsabre. However, I was busy and had no time for him; in fact, I had so little time for him that I locked him in his room to stop him following me. Time wore on and I forgot about him, until today. Just before lunch my ship was hailed by a civilian ship requesting to land to discuss child cruelty.

"This is civilian ship Z0245-A requesting landing clearance and immediate cease to shield generation."
"This is General Grievous, what business brings you to the Invisible hand?"
"We wish to see the youngling under your tutorage General."
"You meant the FSYA student I locked in a room and is probably dead..."
"Pardon, I didn't catch that last part."
"Ahh nothing, come onboard"


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - Hyperspace: “A wild bantha chase”

Dormé and me
Dormé and me
Originally uploaded by Captain Typho.
Where: In the Naboo cruiser, en route to Ansion.

Feeling: Impatient, I suppose.

Listening to: Dormé.

While Dormé speaks to my mom and inquires after her family, my thoughts are elsewhere.

I know I gave Dormé only the flimsiest of reasons to come with me to Ansion. It had to be clear that it wasn’t really official business, that I was holding something back, so why...?

Maybe it’s better not to think too deeply.


I hover around as Dormé sorts through the assorted clothes I threw together in haste when I stopped by her apartment.

She packs very efficiently, which is interesting, since whenever we travel as a group with the Naboo delegation, Senator Amidala and the handmaidens bring an outrageous amount of clothes, jewelry, wigs, skin care products, makeup and, of course, shoes.

Guess who actually has to manage all of that luggage, by the way?

In any event, I realize I must’ve thought that that was the way Dormé always traveled, even when she wasn’t acting as a decoy.

It occurs to me I really don’t know Dormé as, well, Dormé.

I ought to.


Monday, November 21, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog: The Trial of Obi-Wan Kenobi

Today Kenobi's trial was. Helping us, Senator Oragana was. His influence he used so that a quick trial Kenobi could get. Also, a lawyer he got for us.

"I've gotten you the absolute best attorney money can buy," he said, "This guy is really good."

Then in stepped this guy:

"Denny Crane"

Read the rest here you can

Sunday, November 20, 2005

From Palpatine's Blog: Tatooine Hold’em Party

After my morning blow up with Dooku, I had hoped that he would get the hint that perhaps it was time to move on.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, he was not getting the hint.

I arrived home that evening, drained and exhausted from the days work in the Senate. I had been pushing through a number of resolutions and bills to consolidate more power to the Chancellor’s office. It was tough work intimidating all those Senators with a combination of dark side mind tricks and bribes of Oreo’s.

As I stepped off the elevator into the private foyer, I heard some ruckus coming from the dining room.

“I’m all-in old boy,” I heard Dooku exclaim.

“Yousa all insa? But thersa no pair showing? What yousa have in the pocket? Aces?” came the reply from Jar-Jar.

I turn the corner and behold a sight I never thought I would see.

Story continues here...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

From General Grievous' blog: You Can't Stop Me Now

We have finally managed to land on one of the larger cities here on Kamino. Usually each side disembarks with blasters firing and lightsabers spinning, however, this time none of the happened, I'm not entirely sure why. It might have been the fact that they were stunned by Dooku walking up to them with a cup of tea in hand and asking if they would like any, or they drank the tea and were feeling the side effects.


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

From Survivor Tatooine : Qui-Gon's "Share the Wealth"

Several days had passed at the Casino. The guests had been living it up, eating exotic foods, basking in the Tatooine suns at the pool-side, or gambling the nights away.
A special meeting was called at the Watto's Banquet Hall on the ground floor of the building. Every Survivor was invited, as well as the few fans that voted.
The day of the gathering, Qui-Gon was busy behind the scenes. He was working to ensure every aspect was perfect.
The room was simply laid-out, with three large dining tables. Two were parallel and the other connected them at the bottom. Each table had places set for every person, with the name elegantly written in calligraphy across the front. There were standard dinner settings, and a rich assorted buffet lining one wall.
Qui-Gon paced, mulling over his paperwork in a small back room, as the first few guests arrived.
Noel, Siri, Leia, and Aayla observed the setting with awe and wonder obvious in their eyes. They took in the elegant set-up and took their seats, which were all near-by each other.
Next, Anakin and Padme entered, both holding mixed drinks, and each others hand. Dorme was a few steps behind. They broke their grip as Anakin made his way to the buffet, diving into the steaming ban marie brimming with large grey shrimp. Padme and Dorme found their seats and proceeded to observe Anakin's backside as he gathered food.
Read More.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - " OOC: Hi, my name is..."

Well, I made it through fifty posts in this blog without addressing an important question:

What in the world is Captain Typho’s first name?

I’ve never found any mention of his first name in any printed materials. There’s nothing about it in his entry in the databank on starwars.com.

Oddly enough, last week someone emailed me out of the blue asking me if I knew Typho’s name!

[Evidently if you search for “Captain Typho” on Google, this blog shows up right after the link to starwars.com. That may make this blog look like it's a valid source of information. Nothing could be farther from the truth.]

Anyway, I’ve finally decided that he needs a first name.


Saturday, November 12, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog: Something Disturbing in Young Skywalker's Future

Conerned about Young Skywalker I was. Meditating late last night I was when something disturbing I saw. Something in Young Skywalker's future it was.

Of course, always in motion the future is. Rely on these visions you can not.

Still, very disturbing it was. In his future, a choice I saw Young Skywalker make. The wrong choice it was. Much he suffered because of it. Much others suffered because of it.

To prevent this I had to. Let him make this mistake I could not.

Read more here you can.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

From Padmé's Blog: Escape

When I came to I was like blindfolded and handcuffed. The air was different. I wasn't outside and something felt familiar. I felt someone there with me.

"Where am I?" I asked.

A gruff voice answered. "On your lovely ship, Senator." It sounded like a woman.

"What do you want?"

"Just a little cooperation, your worshipfulness."

"Listen, I've had a lot to drink tonight and I might need to puke soon. Can you take off this blindfold and get me to a bathroom?"

"I'm not that stupid, you lush." She sounded distracted. "Just sit there and shut up."

Not a chance, you total skank.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005

From General Grievous' blog: How wude!

Mesa woken upsa thissen mornen to der most throbben headache mesa had since dat Trade Federation ivaden mesa home. Mesa was in moy moy pain, so muchsa that mesa had to see der Doctor.

Mesa wassen on mesa way, minden mesa business, when a strange human came on walken up to mesa.
"Whosa are yousa?"
"Would you like to receive cheap healthcare with no compromises on quality?"
"Yesa, mesa would, I was on mesa way to one now."
"Yes, I know."
"How do yousa know that mesa goen to der doctors?"
"With a face like that I would be seeing a surgeon!"
"Whatsa are yousa talking about....."


Sunday, November 06, 2005

From Jar Jar Binks's Blog: Adventures in the Potato Trade: Part 6

Whassen mesa doin? Mesa realisen thissen mornen dat mesa been producen der same kinds of food mesa swearen to purge from der galaxy! Deep-fried chips dripping with fat... Der strange guy in der brown robe came to mesa apartment thissen morning. Hesa tellen mesa to expanden into other fast food... chicken nuggets made of reconstituted fat and gristle, soft-serve ice cream made of chicken fat... Mesa snappen out of itsa then. And then, mesa realisen whosa hesa wassen.

Continuen yousa readen heresa.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

From Captain Typho's Blog - Naboo: “Fifty-fifty”

Where: Kaadara, Naboo.

Feeling: Like this is my fiftieth post.

Listening to: Not listening to reason, that's for sure.

I sit back on the couch and as I watch the screen on the datapad on my lap, I think about the toxicology report from the vet and the separate investigation I’m doing online.

The analysis of the hand lotion Peko had ingested showed that it was comprised of various natural oils, fruit and vegetable extracts, water, some preservatives and a few unidentified minerals. A lot of common things are toxic to a dog, but in this case there was nothing that should have put Peko into a coma, then killed her. At worst she should’ve had a stomachache.

It was only in examining the tube for the tenth time that I noticed what should’ve been obvious -- the ingredients on the label (admittedly in very fine print) were not exactly the same as those on the report. Two plant extracts had been added, and one preservative had been substituted. There were also some minerals marked “undefined” on the report.

The discrepancies could be easily explained away. This could simply be a case of a company wanting to keep the formulas for its products safe from its competitors. It could be just my luck that I happened to pick up the one bad product ever sold at that spa... but I have my doubts.

I’ve abandoned the notion that the poisoning was accidental.


Thursday, November 03, 2005

From Master Yoda's Blog: Short I Am Not

Short, Kenobi calls me. Short I am not! Officially, in the Republic, according to the average height for all sentient beings, considered short, anyone 2' 1'' or below is. Well, 2' 2" I am! So short I am not! (Of course, some say skewed the average is because included in the mix, my people, Ewoks, and Jawas are. But my fault that is not.)

Besides, among my people, considered tall I am. No, true it is! Stop laughing, Young Skywalker! Always pressured to be on the basketball team in school I was. Always asking me, "Up there, the weather how is?" my friends were. Too original my friends were not...

Read more here you can.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Palpatine: An unexpected visitor (Part IV)

I am awfully sorry, my master. You know how paint fumes affect my asthma, and I was going to originally stay with Grievous but he..kinda..threw me out…”

I don’t know how Dooku can say that paint fumes affect his asthma, but drowning himself in cologne doesn’t. I was thinking that a good shot of force lightning to his butt right about now would be appropriate.

Unfortunately, I still need him. My plan to turn young Skywalker to the dark side was unfolding, but the timing was not right. The republic needed Skywalker to become the Jedi that he was meant to be so that the new empire would have a war hero helping to keep things in line.

“So be it…Tyrannus…” I replied with a wave of my hand.

Instead of force lightning, I settled for a force wedgie.

Continued Here...

Big Brother: Naboo

Survivor: Tatooine